Being honest about my pain- Rachel

 Being honest about my pain

 

“You are so cruel!” I yelled out. 

This statement was not directed to anyone in front of me.  It was directed to God. 

I was angry.  I was frustrated.  I was hurt.  God was silent.

I looked around and saw Him answer others prayers.  I saw others with no faith living a carefree life.  Yet to me He seemed distant.  I felt like He didn’t care even to the point where I thought He was cruel.

I found myself bringing my list of accomplishments to Him.  I reminded Him of my sacrifices.  I told Him that I didn’t look for suffering to come to me.

I knew that God could take how I felt.  It was important that I tell Him.  Honesty, is always a good place to start.

If I had stopped there, I would have been stuck in a bad place.  But, I went on.  Yes, I was honest about how I felt but then I remembered who He was.  His character.  I recounted His works in history and His works in my own life.

Several years ago Nahum 1:7 became a life verse for me, “The Lord is good.  He cares for those who trust in Him.”

Most of my life, I failed to believe deep inside my heart that He was good.  In certain areas of my life, He seemed cruel.  Slowly, He showed me His goodness in my life even in the midst of this world full of sin and suffering.

Most of my life, I would have said, “God I trust You.”  I did trust Him with certain parts that I failed to trust.  Those places of greater pain, I wanted to hold onto and guard.  Slowly, I began to accept His care and place more of my trust in Him.

I am thankful that we can be honest with God about how we feel.  I am thankful that He is patient as we wrestle with His goodness and care. 

God sees our wrestling.  God hears our suffering.  He acted by sending Jesus to prove His goodness and love.  He took all of my sin and suffering on Himself.  Jesus proved God.  He is a God who not only sees and hears.  He answers.  He enters.  He redeems. He saves.

One day I will see Him face to face.  I will know fully His goodness.  I will know fully His care.  I will see the One in whom I’ve placed my trust.  Until that time, I am equally sure that I will grow more in knowledge or who He is and trust in His tender care.

Friend, God can take your honesty.   He encourages it.  And, He invites you into a greater trust in your wrestling. 

 

 Rachel